random...

stifled creativity in the years that have past
anxious to matter for something that lasts

fearful, inspired, passionate and numb
balance is futile yet this is all happening at once

another year, another next time
a new hand to hold
a chance to redefine the story that will be told

hearts to explore, exchange and change
just wish i knew which one to tend to

an encounter like fresh air to my soul
a message that i can and should be more of me, not just less of the old

an unequivocal connection that doesn't require talking
yet time and space seem to be mocking

unwanted change yielding opportunity and hope
inspiration, passion and purpose - all of these i hope

newness....

....when i was younger, i was pretty resistant to change. actually, i have been resistant to change my entire life. that is until recently. lately i find that i am craving "newness". a change of scenary in almost every area of my life. from my apartment, the music i listen to, places i go, people i hang out with and how i spend my time in general. don't get me wrong, i love my friends and wouldn't trade them for anything but i think there is something so exciting about the newness of a stranger. no context, no expectations, no history -just raw conversation. college was fantastic b/c you could meet someone and talk for hours about the smallest or biggest details of life. as we get older and more involved in our routines, i think we all too oftern miss those moments.

i've heard alot of my friends talk about how we're all turning 25 this year. it's weird, i'll admit it. if you had asked me two years ago where i thought i might be at 25, portland wouldn't have been in the answer. but such is life. i've been through some crazy stuff in the past few years with family and friends and while most of it was unwanted, it was so needed. so with a few more months to go at 24, and a whole lot of question marks ahead, i'm embracing being me, and what that means right now...and right now, it means spicing life up a bit.

better together....

...we're all better off together, don't you think? as maxed out as i've been these past three weeks, my family, friends and co-workers have been extremely supportive and i realize now that's made a world of difference. my mom is finally coming home today after spending 19 days in the hospital with a painful skin condition called pestular psoriasis. while i was emotionally and physically exhasuted, i don't think i realized it because my friends and co-workers were there to help carry the load....and a few glasses of wine here and there never hurt anyone :-) knowing she'll be home takes such a weight off my mind and heart. it's awesome.

i have a million things running through my mind at this moment but instead of writing about all of it, i think i'll keep it to myself for once. instead you should check out this article my co-worker sent around today on the differences between the terms new and social media. it's really interesting and relevant http://www.christopherspenn.com/2008/09/04/social-media-and-new-media-are-not-the-same/ and

i'll end with a few pictures that make me happy...






peacelove

the mamas....

a few of my faves from the fun photo shoot in December...

dating is dated...

...was the title of a NYT article a week or so ago. my friend sent it to me and i passed it on because i thought it was unfortunately true. charles bloom writes about the shift in the dating world. it's no longer the norm for people to just go on a date to get to know each other. now, it's all about hooking up once or twice and then seeing if you have a connection worthy enough for dating.

as a single myself, this article really intrigued me. i've had to change my perception on dating post-college. for years i had it in my head and heart that you "date for marriage". well let me tell you how taking that philosphy literally can screw up your expectations in a dating relationship. on the one hand, it is smart to date with intention and be aware of the expectations you're both putting out and picking up BUT, dating with the intention of marriage is way too intense. and for most 20 something guys, it's an impossible concept. i know that there are certain things i need out of a mate but i want my future husband to surprise me. part of the excitment associated with dating is learning what you need, want and desire - not writing it out as a list and waiting for a cookie cutter guy or girl to come along.

bloom maked a few observations that validated my thoughts:

• "under the old model, you dated a few times and, if you really liked the person, you might consider having sex. Under the new model, you hook up a few times and, if you really like the person, you might consider going on a date."
  

• It used to be that "you were trained your whole life to date," said Ms. Bogle. "Now we've lost that ability — the ability to just ask someone out and get to know them."

i think the last point is so true and something i'm trying to work on - just being open to new people and new expereinces.

check out the link here and let me know what you think.

peaceandlove

the breakup...

....don't worry, this is not another self-invovled post, though i can relate in some way's to this girl's story. my friend jess, who is still in the midst of a break-up, sent me the link to this audio clip. if you have 30-45 minutes to kill i strongly recommend listening to it. on this epsisode of "this american life" ira talks to a girl about her break-up. she was so devasted and into the emotions of it all that she decided to write a song about it. she interviews phil collins, the king of break-up songs, and communicates her feelings about the breakup in a raw, honest and funny way. she's one of those people that doesn't know she's funny. my favorite line is "we took hand holding to a new level"...i can totally relate. it amazes me that sights, sounds and smells can take us back to a moment with someone like we never left it.

http://www.thisamericanlife.org/Radio_Episode.aspx?episode=339

one great observation she makes is that break-ups are one of the few emotionally intimate experiences that almost every human being has in common. anywhoo, take a listen. i would love to hear your thoughts. the other "acts" that follow are also really interesting.

the simple life...

...that pretty much sums up my weekend. well, at least the first half of the weekend. I got the chance to reunite with some of my closest friends from college known as "the mamas". not all the mamas were there but it was still a great time. we stayed at a cabin in sun river for three days. while our drive there took over five hours on thursday night due to a bad accident on I-5, we had a fantastic weekend. the snow started falling friday morning but let up just in time for our surprise. my friend jess and i surprised the others with a professional photography shoot. blink photography met the six of us as the old mill mall in bend and spent about 90 minutes following us around taking pictures. it was so fun, i can't wait to see how they turn out.

we had great food, wine and a nice fire all weekend. we debriefed on our lives over the past year (literally) and talked about everything from multi-colored christmas lights to legalizing marijuana. we're all fairly opinionated (can you hear my sarcasm there?!) so our conversations are always interesting. we know one another well enough to call each other our when we've crossed the line or are just being too dramatic, it's great. this vacation was one of the best we've done. no schedules and not a heck of a lot to do but relax. it was nice not having the pressure of doing different activity's and trying to figure out who was going with who etc.

the most eventful part of the weekend, other than our 90's dance party, was the drive home. we heard all weekend that the flipping storm of the century would drop on saturday night but we were prepared to drive in the snow....or so we thought. two of our friends had to drive up in separate cars and meet us thursday night so we had a total of four cars. we decided to caravan over willamette pass to make sure we all made it to eugene at the very least. we cruised over the pass with a few stops for chains and then went our separate ways in eugene. jess, ashley and i cruised up I-5 on dry pavement until we hit Albany. at 5:30 PM we hit albany and didn't move more than a few inches for two hours. it was insane. jess and ash had to go to the bathroom so they were about to hop the side barrier when a female truck driver invited them to use her port-a-potty in her semi. they jumped at the chance, i mean who hasn't thought about what that would be like? they said it had nice wood paneling and was much more spacious than they expected. haha...oh goodness.

we heard chains were required in ptown and we didn't have any (didn't need them over the pass) so we decided to stay overnight in salem with our friend michelle and sort everything out in the morning. my poor friend ashley was bummed not to make it to portland because she had to eventually get back to seattle but we had a great time. we went sledding with michelle, her fiance and his buddies. i loved every minute of it because i let go of all the circumstances which were out of my control. we were there for the night so i tried my best to soak up even more time with these awesome people. we left around 10 this morning and made it back into ptown by 11:30, it was quite the adventure. took literally 24 hours to get home.

i realize this is mostly useless information to you but, if you've ever met any of my friends, it's pretty classic of us and a fun snow day '08 story. here are some pics from the weekend, i'll post more later on facebook.

our back drop for the drive home was amazing....


off the back deck of the sun river house...

i love my friends and was so blessed to have a weekend with some of them. i'm thankful that i'm constantly surrounded with fun, intelligent, whitty, challenging and beautiful friends.

maybe one of these days i'll write a more substantive post that doesn't involve me...

peaceandlove