reshaping

If you haven't noticed, I'm kind of an all or nothing girl. Can't hide my enthusiasm but can't fake it either. If i'm not into something, or don't agree, you'll know. I'm also a person who gets hooked on things and then drops them. Examples of this would be: food, music, shows, men and blogging.  I get excited about sharing my thoughts with strangers just for the idea of putting a different perspective into the atmosphere but at times it feels too self-involved. I really do care about big issues but have rarely been able to articulate my thoughts through writing. I'm a straight conversationalist. So i hope you don't read this blog for political insight or theological exploration, this is just a place for me to get things out. 

moving on..... 

Reshaping. That's the current theme in my life. I've been back to the gym for a few weeks now for a physical reshape, that's going....well, it's going. My company is beginning an organizational assessment to consider restructuring and while it's necessary, it's tough to hang on indefinitely waiting around for change. A good friend recently called me out on some things that i knew needed change which got me thinking about how i need to adjust my attitude and actions towards God. Being 25 and single is tough. It's tough to meet people. I need to reshape the way I think about dating and realistic about expectations and what i'm ready for. So needless to say, there's alot floating around in this dome right now. My gut says it's all headed toward good change but it's already been a very long and emotionally draining year. So that's me, thanks for listening. 

25...

...still feeling the vibe. i've never felt different after a birthday but something is different about 25. it feels good. i have a kick in my step and feel a little more legit than last year. nothing happened overnight between 24 and 25 and yet, i woke up feeling like a brand new woman. i haven't analyzed why i am where i am, or why i'm not somewhere else and i don't really care that i'm single though, it would be nice to have someone around. 25 will be my year, i can feel it...

untitled...

....dot dot dot
not the end of a sentence
but an open continuation of thought
leaving room for something else
something another forgot
say it in another way
say it another day
it can linger forever that dot dot dot
let's us pause
think
and repeat
the dot, you hope
might be the link
to the soul
so it will finally
be
complete

removing the clutter...

....i don't know about you but, i have seasons in life that can only be described as cluttered. right now, my room, my car, my desk, my brian, even my computer bag are all cluterred messes. i don't like messy spaces but man, it's bad right now. every night when i get home and walk upstairs, i see the boxes, the pictures and shelves that should find a home, and walk back downstairs. i wish i made the time to de-clutter more than every few months. my mom tried to help by making me a labeled file for literally every possible piece of paper she could think of that needed filing. while it's very sweet, i don't keep copies of bank or credit card statements b/c i just go online to view my account. not that you care so i don't know why i'm telling you this...

when i get in a pattern like this, i usually make a list on my white board of things to tackle that stays there untouched/unchecked for, oh , about a month or two. i guess i can really only laugh at myself because it would take a serious organizing system to fix me. today, i'll start with my desk and try yet another system which won't work but, at least it's something.

i am completely aware that i just wasting three minutes of your life which you can never recover....you're welcome :-)

random...

stifled creativity in the years that have past
anxious to matter for something that lasts

fearful, inspired, passionate and numb
balance is futile yet this is all happening at once

another year, another next time
a new hand to hold
a chance to redefine the story that will be told

hearts to explore, exchange and change
just wish i knew which one to tend to

an encounter like fresh air to my soul
a message that i can and should be more of me, not just less of the old

an unequivocal connection that doesn't require talking
yet time and space seem to be mocking

unwanted change yielding opportunity and hope
inspiration, passion and purpose - all of these i hope

newness....

....when i was younger, i was pretty resistant to change. actually, i have been resistant to change my entire life. that is until recently. lately i find that i am craving "newness". a change of scenary in almost every area of my life. from my apartment, the music i listen to, places i go, people i hang out with and how i spend my time in general. don't get me wrong, i love my friends and wouldn't trade them for anything but i think there is something so exciting about the newness of a stranger. no context, no expectations, no history -just raw conversation. college was fantastic b/c you could meet someone and talk for hours about the smallest or biggest details of life. as we get older and more involved in our routines, i think we all too oftern miss those moments.

i've heard alot of my friends talk about how we're all turning 25 this year. it's weird, i'll admit it. if you had asked me two years ago where i thought i might be at 25, portland wouldn't have been in the answer. but such is life. i've been through some crazy stuff in the past few years with family and friends and while most of it was unwanted, it was so needed. so with a few more months to go at 24, and a whole lot of question marks ahead, i'm embracing being me, and what that means right now...and right now, it means spicing life up a bit.

better together....

...we're all better off together, don't you think? as maxed out as i've been these past three weeks, my family, friends and co-workers have been extremely supportive and i realize now that's made a world of difference. my mom is finally coming home today after spending 19 days in the hospital with a painful skin condition called pestular psoriasis. while i was emotionally and physically exhasuted, i don't think i realized it because my friends and co-workers were there to help carry the load....and a few glasses of wine here and there never hurt anyone :-) knowing she'll be home takes such a weight off my mind and heart. it's awesome.

i have a million things running through my mind at this moment but instead of writing about all of it, i think i'll keep it to myself for once. instead you should check out this article my co-worker sent around today on the differences between the terms new and social media. it's really interesting and relevant http://www.christopherspenn.com/2008/09/04/social-media-and-new-media-are-not-the-same/ and

i'll end with a few pictures that make me happy...






peacelove

the mamas....

a few of my faves from the fun photo shoot in December...