test for jess

Stop Here on Red

I have long been fascinated by traffic signals. Until I was about twelve or thirteen I used ot think that little people lived inside the lights and waited until a lane had lots of cars lined up, and then radioed to his little friends that he was going green. It seemed really logical to me at the time. Today I'm still baffled at how traffic lights regulate our driving pattern. Every morning when I merge onto 26 from Sylvan, I am joined by many other cars as we inch and crawl our way to the light. And then we wait anxiously, some of us more than others, for the light to turn green and affirm our inclination to go. I really don't beilieve that lights at onramps have helped our traffic flow all that much, and don't even get me started on "traffic calming humps" in Beaverton.

I often blow straight through those red lights when merging if nobody is around b/c I think they are pretty ridiculous. What if our signals were switched and Red meant go, Green was stop. I wonder which came first, the red light green light game or traffic signals.

Passion

I've been thinking alot about passion lately. It seems that I've lost mine. I can honestly say I used to be very passionate about God, serving youth, dancing, sports and friends. But I really feel like I've lost my passion to do those things. I've allowed my fears and my comfort zone to own me and my time. Lately, I've been noticing more passion in my friends' lives and I have to be honest that I'm a bit jealous. I remember what it was like to dance across a stage or play on a court and not care what other people thought, it was so freeing...I miss feeling free.

It's not a coincidence that I've also been thinking about what "freedom in Christ" means. I believe that when you truly find your freedom in Christ, you find your passion. When you feel chained to certain feelings, habits, or ways, freedom is a tough thing to attain and passion is fleeting. I often remind myself that God has made each one of us in a unique likeness to Him and that other people's passions are not to be in competition with ours, or to even compliment ours. They just simply are. I know God has gifted me with certain talents and passions and I really want to tap into them. I need some hobbies of my own and I want to have those moments with God again where it's like He's the only one watching. I love those moments.

On another note, thanks to everyone who wrote/called to ask about my grandma. The service last week was really nice and I think my grandma got a great farewell. Her death really opened our families eyes to how much she held our family together. She really was the glue of our family, always updating everyone about the happenings of everyone else, sending cards at Christmas and birthday's. I pray that her life legacy impacted my mom and her siblings enough to make them think about sharing more of their lives across time and space.

That's all for now....(p.s. did you check out the moon tonight? wow)

When it rains.....

This is a picture of my grandma Lois and I a year ago when they visited. Her situation has gotten progressively worse over the last week and a half. She's been in the ICU for almost two weeks now, and still no change. She has been breathing through a ventilator for most of those two weeks. She still has a lung infection, blood infection and the spot on her abdomen is most likely more cancer. My mom and her siblings are all in CO and tomorrow they will end her life support. This is one of the weirdest situations I've ever dealt with. I've seen suicide, death by a drunk driver, natural death by cancer at an old age, but I've never been in a situation like this. I know that even if she were to wake up and get over the infections, her quality of life would be poor and she would have the battle of her life everyday.

I'm so thankful that she knows God and that she will be so much happier in heaven. I will miss the little things about her. She is an amazing seamstress and quilter. She made quilts for both of my sisters when they got married, I'm sad that I will never get to have one. She has always sent us the craziest Christmas presents. For example, one year I got one of those battery powered squirrels that chase a ball which is attached to their mouth. This awesome gift was accompanied with the usual pair of weird socks my grandma packaged in whatever tissue paper was left over from the year before. I haven't had much time to be emotional about any of this all week b/c my new job has been keeping me very busy. But as I write this I'm filled with so many emotions. I'm lucky to have had her in my life for 23 years and to have had a great relationship with all of my grandparents. I just wish that she and my Daddy Ed (my dads father) could be around a little while longer. But with a Lynam/Moulton combination in heaven I know I will have plenty of divine protection coming my way.
This is Hey-O and grandma Lois' 50th wedding anniversary cake. I thank God that I had two sets of grandparents who got to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary. How adorable is that picture?! Actually, now that I think about it, the story of my family is pretty rad. Both of my grandpa's flew for the Air Force. They met while being stationed somewhere in the world together and Ona (my dads mom) made Lois (my moms mom) a welcome to the base pie one day. Well, they got to talking and found out they had kids who were similar ages. One of my mom's brothers and my dads only brother ended up at the same college and were fraternity brothers. Then, one winter my mom came home to the base in Illinois from school in FL. At the same time, my dad went home to the base in Illinois from Westpoint. The base held a winter dance for all the returning cadets and my grandma's set up my parents to go together and the rest is history.

So anyway, keep my family in your prayers. My dad, sister and I will join the fam in CO on Sunday.

thank you God for humbling me through this funky time. I recognize how fleeting our time is on earth, and how powerful you are. please tell my grandma that she is loved, and ask her where her recipe for Santa Maria BBQ ribs is.

I got a JOB

Yes, I got a job. It's a real job. With benefits (eventually), a salary and it will last for more than three months! I am a Project Associate at Pyramid Communications. Pyramid is a public affairs firm dedicated to helping the greater good and supporting socially responsible causes. It is such a cool firm and I can't wait to start on Monday! So yeah for God's plan and everything I endured over the last year and a half. All the odd jobs I had and all the waiting and wondering. My "move" to DC and back was all a part of the plan. I am so excited to be working in a place that exists to be provide a voice for those who don't have one. More to come next week but for now I am so thankful:-)

p.s. Janet, I'm sorry I can't work with you at the church....my days there may finally be behind me.

Random Thoughts Part 2

1. I've had this feeling in the pit of my stomach since I woke up this morning and can't shake it
2. It's been nice house sitting this week but also pretty lonely
3. I really need a new hobby, I just can't decide what I want to do; dance? piano? kickbox? singing?
4. We are going to see my grandma in CO for Thanksgiving, this is good and bad. Good b/c I love snow and traveling, bad b/c I need to prepare myself for how different she will be
5. I LOVE my dog...I swear she can read my mind
6. Kids are great. They are so funny and obnoxious...but so worth my time
7. The last time I had a paycheck was in August (but I still haven't borrowed any cash from my 'rents)
8. I over analyze and over think everything
9. I am so in love with my boyfriend, I didn't think this kind of a relationship would ever possible for me
10. Snow globes and Dopey figurines make me smile

Party Like a Rockstar...

That has nothing to do with the post I'm about to write but I just had it in my head so thought I'd get it out.
Ok so what's new with me you might ask? Well let's see. I had an awesome interview today at a communications firm and was asked back for another interview next Monday so that's great. I have another interview tomorrow for a Youth Programs coordinator at THPRD (which I would only pursue if the full time communications thing didn't work out) AND I have an opportunity at Sunset as well which I just love. I'm so thankful for all of these opportunities. It's been rough to have ZERO income over the past month and not to mention flying across the country...and back. So God knows I'm need of some financial and career stability and direction. He knows it and He will provide me with something with is so exciting. I've tried my best to be patient since I've been home turning down happy hours, chips and salsa dates and yes, sadly even dessert (my boyfriend wouldn't believe that for a minute though). So I told God this "ok, I'll trust you to provide, not ask parents for gas money etc. and see how long I can last." Well I'm still here and while my funds are a bit depleted God has brought me an opportunity to house sit this week, 3 interviews, and a house sitting/watch my kid gig in November. He takes care of His people for sure.

Let's see....I got to spend lots of time with my niece this past week. She is adorable. One afternoon she was having a tough time going to sleep, the over tired baby syndrome kicked in and she fought it hard. I got stressed out b/c a baby's cry is so sad to me. So she finally fell asleep after a few hundred laps around my house and as she was sleeping I just started praying over her. I prayed that God would bless her future and provide everything for her. I prayed that she would seek out faith for herself and not be close minded or judgemental. It was a pretty awesome moment to say the least. She had such a traumatic birth and both she and my sister probably should have died. But there's a reason her middle name is Hope and I'm so blessed that in moving back home I get to watch her grow. Here is one of my favorite Nikolette pics:
She still has those sweet puffy cheeks and the best laugh you could imagine. Ok well I better go do something productive with my life....in reality I'll probably just nap with my puppy.

Such is life....

today has been a crazy day. I think I need to learn to bite my tonuge and shut my mouth sometimes....God has been talking to me alot about my post from last night. I think he's got some lessons to teach me. Thank you Janet and Kurt for your comments, it's nice to know that more seasoned professionals feel that way sometimes about ministry. I think I just need to be less senstitive and more focused on where God wants me :-)