believe and be satisfied...

.....that's the title of a poem my friend gave me in college. it's about love but it really resonates with just about everything in my life right now. i need to :

• belive God will provide me with enough financially to get what i need, pay the bills etc.
  BUT be satisfied with what i have ....which means cutting back on movies, dinner out, games, not getting the snowboard i really want etc.
  
• belive God has brought me to this job for a reason BUT be satisfied with areas i need to grow in and growing pains in an office.
• believe that God will bring the right guy into my life when we're both ready BUT be satisfied with me and God....not easy
  
• believe that if God brought me to it - God will bring me through it

that's alot of but's....

in the midst of all my soul searching and healing though, i've been opening up more. i think i'm becoming a newer version of the old me. i'm more laid back these days, not worrying about being in three places at once doing everything with everyone - that's dumb b/c in trying do that i cheapen the time with the people around me. the real kristen is totally quirky, dances alot, sings nonstop and just rolls with the punches. some people don't know that i've struggled with anxiety and other issues throughout my whole life and everyday i have to literally make a choice to be happy, but i know that's my issue and i'm beginning to be okay with it. life is getting good again and i'm recognizing that i've been blessed with solid relationships and attention most of my life. i'm learning to be okay with me and okay with where God has me...and okay with Sarah Palin. Haha - had to throw that in for Kurt and Mike (if they even read this).

so on this sunshiney beautiful day i think i'll take off a few hours early from work...on my bike of course with my awesome pink helmet:-)

peaceandlove