v-day

i'd love to hear from everyone what they did for valentine's day. i don't care if your single or 85 and married. it's fun to hear the uniqueness of every relationship.

i spent valentine's day texting and talking to zach and then, because he had caregroup, the evening with my homegirls. my friend kristina and i got some pizzicato in the pearl and i'm pretty sure everyone thought we were lesbians but whatev....that's portland for ya! so we got to catch up about life etc. and that was great, totally what i needed with her. then my other friend jess joined us for brownies and we ended up talking about heaven, death, hair dye and more. i LOVE my friends for that very reason. we talked about books, hair cuts, race, heaven, politics and death all in the span of about an hour. phenomenal. my friends rock.

then i decided to surprise zach with something cute and dorky. i often leave him notes on his car or at his apartment, try to do fun things out of the ordinary for him hoping that he might catch on and do that for me! i don't expect big things, or gifts in general but i LOVE surprises. so we decided not to do anything for V-day b/c his B-day is coming up and we can do a double celebration via the big surprise i'm whipping up for that. so i wasn't expecting anything...but still, a girl can dream! all day i kept telling him that he must have given the flower company the wrong address because i still hadn't received the flowers he sent me (knowing full well he didn't get me any). so last night i drove to shay's house where i knew he'd be watching LOST with his kids and i knew his car would be unlocked. i left a really cheesy monkey with a cute card on his dash. not much but i know that the words in the card made him smile and he appreciated the effort i made to show him he's valued and desired. (ugh, that sounds soooo psychologist)

the great thing about zach is that he compliments me everyday. pretty much everytime we talk he says something that makes me smile and speaks to my heart. when i went to DC in june he stashed little notes in my suitcase for me to dig up over the two weeks. of everything he wrote, one thing stays with me everyday "you are what beauty is and could ever hope to become". it might sound cheesy to you but to me, it's perfect.

even then, as much as i enjoyed hearing things from zach and my friends yesterday, i found myself crying in bed last night praying that God would be the one to satisfy my need to be desired and wanted. not just romantically but in so many ways. my desire to be affirmed in everything in life is a lost cause. nobody on earth could totally fill that need.

i'm thankful that my friends and i have never made a big to-do about valentine's day, even though i miss the SAD (Singles Awareness Day) parties we threw ourselves in college. and i'm thankful that i realized how important and appreciated zach makes me feel everyday, even if we both have a long way to go in understanding how to show it to one another.

SO- thanks to my friends for good convo and fun texts/emails yesterday. and thanks zach for being you.


hope you expereinced love in some form yesterday....



peace love