dating is dated...

...was the title of a NYT article a week or so ago. my friend sent it to me and i passed it on because i thought it was unfortunately true. charles bloom writes about the shift in the dating world. it's no longer the norm for people to just go on a date to get to know each other. now, it's all about hooking up once or twice and then seeing if you have a connection worthy enough for dating.

as a single myself, this article really intrigued me. i've had to change my perception on dating post-college. for years i had it in my head and heart that you "date for marriage". well let me tell you how taking that philosphy literally can screw up your expectations in a dating relationship. on the one hand, it is smart to date with intention and be aware of the expectations you're both putting out and picking up BUT, dating with the intention of marriage is way too intense. and for most 20 something guys, it's an impossible concept. i know that there are certain things i need out of a mate but i want my future husband to surprise me. part of the excitment associated with dating is learning what you need, want and desire - not writing it out as a list and waiting for a cookie cutter guy or girl to come along.

bloom maked a few observations that validated my thoughts:

• "under the old model, you dated a few times and, if you really liked the person, you might consider having sex. Under the new model, you hook up a few times and, if you really like the person, you might consider going on a date."
  

• It used to be that "you were trained your whole life to date," said Ms. Bogle. "Now we've lost that ability — the ability to just ask someone out and get to know them."

i think the last point is so true and something i'm trying to work on - just being open to new people and new expereinces.

check out the link here and let me know what you think.

peaceandlove